Deep in the crowded streets and squalid arcades of Besiktas, lies one of the most amazing toilets in all of Istanbul, if not the world.
Owned and run by a half-crazy Alevi gentleman, this place is so loaded with unusual details and eye-straining kitsch that in these artsy-fartsy days, one cannot help but suspect if it is actually an art installation. But of course, no band of limp-wristed "modern" artists can ever hope to match the real thing. This is all real.
All over the toilet are signs and marble engravings, written in the grammar-and punctuation-free style that is the signature of madness. I will try to translate the best as I can. If they sound strange to you, that is because they sound weird in Turkish as well..."THIS IS A PLACE OPEN TO ALL PEOPLE - HUNGRY OR SATISFIED THIS DOOR IS OPEN TO ALL THOSE WHO ARE HUMAN."
"DON'T BELITTLE YOURSELF TO THOSE WHO COME AFTER YOU WE MAINTAIN THIS PLACE WITH SERVICE AND MONEY."
"THIS SCHOOL IS SUCH A SCHOOL IN ISTANBUL THAT I BEGAN FOR MORE LIKE IT TO REPRODUCE! OTHER TEACHERS USED TO FACE ME. IT WOULD SUIT ME TO PROTECT THIS SCHOOL UNTIL I DIE LET SOME BLIND PEOPLE SEE IT I HAVE GIVEN 27 YEARS OF MY LIFE TO OPEN THIS PATHWAY TO CLEANLINESS.I SPENT MUCH MUCH EFFORT MY NAME IS MUSTAFA BUT NOT KEMAL ATATURK BUT I WORK LIKE MY LEADER LET SOME PEOPLE TAKE SHAME AND OPEN THEIR EYES AND LEARN FROM MY EXAMPLE. THE KING DOES NOT DIE, EVEN IF HE DOES, HIS NAME LIVES ON."
"I WAS LEFT IN MUCH CURIOSITY, MY DAD USED TO TELL US WHEN WE WERE YOUNG, IF YOU TAKE A CURSE FROM YOUR FATHER THAT CURSE WILL SURELY HOLD. MY FATHER'S UNCLE'S SON TOOK A CURSE HERE IS THE CURSE: MAY YOUR BELLY FILL UP AND YOUR LAP REMAIN EMPTY. THIS LEFT ME IN CURIOSITY THERE WAS AN UNCLE'S SON. HIS NAME WAS SOYDULLAH. HE REALLY DID HAVE NO KIDS. HE DIED WHEN HE WAS 70 OR 80 YEARS OLD. I WONDER IF IT IS TRUE? SAGDULLAH."
"DEAR GUESTS, KEEP MODERN AND LUXURIOUS TOILETS ALIVE THINK ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN."
"MAKE THIS PLACE LIVE KING"
"THOSE WHO ARE NOT TIDY OR DON'T LIKE CLEANLINESS PLEASE DON'T COME HERE"
"MY FRIENDS, WAKE UP IF I DIE DON'T FORGET FOR THIRTY YEARS I GAVE THIS SERVICE TO MY PEOPLE, BUT THESE PEOPLE MOSTLY DON,T UNDERSTAND I CARVE MY LAST WORDS TO THE ENTRY AND EXIT OF THIS TOILET: IF I WAS TO DIE AND FIFTY YEARS WERE TO PASS NO ONE WOULD EVER DELIVER SUCH A SERVICE I SACRIFICED MYSELF I GAVE THIRTY YEARS OF MY LIFE IF I SURVIVE MY GRAVE WILL BE CLEANER THAN HERE MY WORDS AND I ARE ONE AND THE SAME OF THE PERSON"
"WAIT OUTSIDE, ENTRY IS CHARGED 0.000"
Here is the guy, "the King" as he calls himself. I don't know if he is still alive, but if he is, he has my unending respect. Notice his eyes, gleaming with visions that we cannot comprehend.
If you are ever around in Besiktas... Don't forget to visit the King. You certainly won't regret it!
