A Guide to Turkish Elections

Election fever! I'm not really a political guy, but since Turkey's magic elections are only a day away, I thought it would be a good idea to give this blog's foreign readers a brief photo-survey of the major parties involved. Welcome to the tangled world of Turkish politics, where the leftists act like rightists, the rightists act like rightists, and ersatz liberals defend ragheaded zealots...

Speaking of zealots, meet the AKP; the "Justice and Development Party". These guys are basically Machiavelian Islamists who use religion as a means to get more and more power, and in the last five years they have done everything in order to get more and more of it.

Many (but not most,) Turkish people hate them with a lust that cannot be written down in words, even though they have done some good things like stabilizing the economy, opening Turkey to foreign development and flirting with the E.U. This poster says "Five years are not enough," but these jobless guys certainly seem to have had so.

CHP; the "Republican People's Party" is a strong centre-leftist party that is one of the AKP's biggest rivals. They see themselves as the vanguard of Turkey's secular/humanist ideals, which means that despite their inept leader, most people who don't lead lives as cattle will vote for them. Of course, such people may or may not be a majority in Turkey.

MHP; the "Nationalist Movement Party," is an even bigger challenger of the AKP since AKP's crazy populism, its pimp affair with the European Union, and the opening up of Turkish assets to foreign investment have ticked off many of Turkey's ultra-nationalists. There are real nazis among these guys, but I'd rather live under them than with the religious blightheads we have today. It's the lesser of two evils. Notice their slogan on the blue poster, which reads as "One answer, against the whole world!"

A more low-key right wing party, the DP ("Democratic Party") used to be known as DYP ("The Right Way Party") until less than three months ago. They tried to make an alliance with a similar party called ANAP ("Motherland Party") that later spectacularly fell apart. Which is a pity since had it been realized, the Voltron-DP would have been a formidable opponent against the AKP. Here their poster challenges us with a question: "To polarize? Or fraternize?" no doubt addressing the growing conflicts between the Kurds and the Turks, and the secular and religious masses.

Although the AKP are a bunch of zealots, they actually split off from an even more fanatical Islamist party back in 2001; the SP. ("The Felicity Party") In this election, however, they are actually a good element since their presence will cost votes to the AKP.

There was a time when leftism meant a reaction against nationalism, state dogmas and the like. But the leader of IP, Turkey's Workers' Party, breaks all stereotypes by acting like he's in the MHP (See above.) He's an ultra-rigid Kemalist, but also a socialist, but not like those godless commies because he also thinks that Mohammed was a socialist revolutionary. He's all for freedom of speech but he actively supports laws that make "insulting Turkishness" a crime. He also went to Switzerland to purposefully get charged by denying the Armenian genocide, and made a nationalist epic out of his trial.

More proper communists and angry college students can still vote for the TKP, the "Turkish Communist Party." Once persecuted by the government and enjoying the membership of intellectuals like Nazim Hikmet, now it exists as a political curiosity, more like a street poster art-gang than an actual party. Their leader once had grand plans like "not paying any of the country's debts to the imperialists" if they ever came to power.

This election will also be a big moment for independent regional candidates. There are many of them, ranging from Kurdish separatists in the east (who are not allowed to join parties,) to local business tycoons to odd leftist voices. One such candidate from the western half of Istanbul is Baskın Oran (his name literally means "dominant percentage" in Turkish,) a famous idealist who promises cherry-pink dreams such as "Turks will love Kurds, Kurds will love Armenians, Armenians will love the Gypsies, the Gypsies the Circassians, the Circassians the Alevis, the Alevis the unemployed, the unemployed the homosexuals" as seen on this poster.

In theory this is fine, but in practice this twat will only waste away two-or-three thousand good votes that would be better off at the CHP, which defends roughly the same ideals. Too bad, since all the hot Cihangir and Bilgi University chicks will vote for him.

Besides them, there are also many other parties such as GP; the "Young Party", founded by Cem Uzan, (the Turkish equivalent of Rupert Murdoch) who managed to more than 7.5% of the votes vote in 90 days back in 2002,

the DTP; the "Democratic Society Party" that advocates Kurdish secession under the veil of "democracy,"

the BBP, the "Great Union Party" which is made up of ultra-nationalist thugs, some of whom were among the murderers of Hrant Dink, and so on.

Actually, here is a more complete list. This photo shows the banner of a very obscure party called "The People's Rising Party." I don't have a clue on who their leaders, or what their plans are like.

Of course, you must never forget the Apoliticals, some of whom will not interrupt their precious summer vacations in order to vote. Yet other losers actually think it is cool not to vote because, like, no one represents them. I wonder if such fuckwits realize how hard people have struggled in every country to be able to vote equally.

Here, Doritos ads mock the election by asking "Where's the Party?" Yeah dudes, just keep on rocking and leave the voting to the un-cool.

Despite everything, Turkey is preparing for not only the most pivotal, but also the most colorful election in her recent history. With even the smallest stickers on street corners turning into a battleground for different ideologies, who knows what tomorrow will bring?

PS: This was obviously not a comprehensive nor an objective survey, but I hope it helps you get a grip on what's going on down here.

UPDATE!

Tha AKP won this election with a crushing %47 of all votes, so geçmiş olsun (get well soon) to everyone watching.

Serpentine Roadkill

I found this dead snake, possibly squashed by a car, on a road in Evvia, Greece...

...a quick check of its head scales and dentition identifies it as a non-venomous water snake, Natrix natrix. Despite their name, these snakes can and do venture extensively on land.

Rest in peace my poor friend... I shall avenge you! We also saw a huge green snake in Evia, but it ran away before we could take pictures or identify its species.

The Balls of Athens

For some reason, the streets of the Greek capital are strewn with concrete balls of every size. Local artists enjoy painting them in a variety of colors and patterns.

Athenian Recycling Craze

People in Greece are crazy about environmental awareness these days, so the Athens Municipality has installed these colorful recycling centers all over the city. I can just sit there and throw bottles into it all day long. You get to push the shiny buttons and it even gives you a few cents per bottle recycled!

A Tour in Bağlarbaşı

Let's take a walk in Baglarbasi, on the Asian side of Istanbul. Historically, this place was inhabited mostly by Greeks and Armenians. Today, hovewer, it is overrun by posh shopping centers, office buildings and housing projects. While on my way to Kadikoy this week, I took a random stroll through the back-streets of Baglarbasi. I was confronted with some of the most spectacular traces of Istanbul's old residents.

A beautiful Greek house stands deserted and vandalized, next to a more recent piece-of-shit apartment building. No one can restore or live in structures like this because their owners are probably still living in Athens or Thessaloniki.

I was walking aimlessly, expecting to see more old buildings ruined or destroyed. Instead, I came face to face with one of the biggest active Greek monasteries still left in Istanbul. Behold the Profiti Ilias, built in 1831 by Greek stonemasons from Rhodes.

This church houses one of the biggest collections of religious icons and texts in Istanbul. It also has a separate chapel inside for weddings. Too bad I wasn't allowed inside.

The monastery also operated the Profiti Greek School right across the street, but it was burned down and destroyed in the Istanbul Pogrom of 1955. In the 1980's, it was restored and re-opened as the Gönül Tuna School of Music. Well, at least it isn't a total loss...

Some more houses, this time Turkish, that have escaped the ravages of time and nationalism. I think you can tell the difference between Turkish and Greek structures now. Both have their own beauty and elegance, but I still find the neoclassical Greek style more attractive.

Of course, no old house is complete without a cheerful old nine or gia gia sitting at the door.

Silent Hill, Baglarbasi Edition: This is possibly the scariest-looking dwelling I've seen in a long time. Its sheet-iron covering and one room/two stories plan is so bizarre that I can't tell if it's Greek, Turkish, Armenian, Jewish or something else of origin, let alone if it was built ten years ago, or a hundred...

Someone still lives there... and nails old Zeki Müren recordings to the window sides.

The way to the future: Sadly, some recent immigrants have been engaging in an architectural gang-bang with the district's unique past for the last ten years, be it with windowless, Lovecraftian horrors such as this...

...or worse still, crappy mosaic-covered apartments that dispense with building codes, architectural styles and human comfort altogether.

Sometimes, the mosaic horror reaches levels that make one want to gouge his eyes out. Where's a block-busting Tomahawk missile when you need one?

Despite the threat of urban rape, renevation plans have been saving places like Baglarbasi for the past five years. Here, happy kids are playing by a wonderfully-restored Greek building, now serving as a kindergarten. The history of Turkification is indeed a sad one, but at least people are taking care of others' heritage, instead of ignoring and even purposefully destroying it as they have done for the past six decades.

An Athenian Cinema

A Greek classic; one of the many beautiful open-air cinemas that open up in Athens during summer. Such cinemas also used to exist in Smyrna, on the other side of the Aegean. My father grew up in a house next to one, each evening him and his family would watch movies from their rooftop balcony, cool in the evening breeze.

With the advent of TV and video, Turkish viewers got bored of the open air cinemas, and the beautiful garden theaters were razed to make room for parking lots, apartment blocks, roads and markets. None remain in Smyrna now.

Maggots from a Flesh Fly

I smashed this annoying Sarcophagid flesh-fly against a wall and she ejected this bunch of wiggling maggots. I cannot identify her down to the species level with certainity, since Sarcophagid flies have many species, some of which can only be told apart through dissection.

Furthermore, I'm not 100 percent sure if these were her larvae, or those of a parasitic wasp which had chosen her for a host. In any case, Sarcophagid flies make an immense contribution to forensic science as they lay their eggs on decaying corpses, animal or human. Exact timing of their arrivals and the fixed maturation rates of their larvae mean that detectives can figure out how long bodies have been left out, usually a vital clue in murder investigations.

A Delicious Mess

This is where they keep... the squid beast! Actually a refrigerator used to store delicious fresh octopus and squid on a superb restaurant in Evia, Greece. Notice the ink stains on the ground, made as the poor creatures struggled for life.

Quite a Character

I'm not sure if this guy is actually selling the myriad accessories he wears, or if he's just making a show. Whatever the reason, he can kick the hairless asses of every vain fashionist and fashionista in town.

Police Brutality Extra

Turkish police...
...or Greek police? Who's more badass? Who's more oppressive? Who? WHO?

Kiosk Overload

One of the ubiquitous kiosks in Athens that sell anything and everything. In this photo alone you can see soft and hard drinks, worry beads, condoms, lighters, a heartbeat monitor and... handcuffs?

Aristotle's Lantern

This is not a hyper-exotic seashell, but a mundane part of one of the most common (and irritating) echinoderms, the sea urchin. Often called Aristotle's lantern, this set of calcium-rich jaws lie inside the animal's shell and help it scrape algae off the rocks. I think this one is from a Paracentrotus lividus, but I'm not 100 percent sure.

A Hostel in Istanbul

Last week I watched that fabulous movie, Hostel, and thought: "Damn, wouldn't it be nice if there was a hostel packed with hot chicks (but not death gangs) in Istanbul?" Turns out, there were many of them. Take a look one of the best, the Chill Out Hostel-Cafe in Taksim.

The most striking detail at the entrance is the wanton use of the brightest, the most contrasting colors possible...

...the chromatic madness not only continues, but also intensifies as you move deeper and deeper into the bowels of the place.

"In case of a fire, just jump through the insanely-patterned pink-and-black door and the resemblance of your Eurorail trip to a bad 80's music video will be complete."

Here are what the rooms look like. Small, but with heating, beds and a private bathroom. Plus, the hostel is at the thriving heart of the City's nightlife and away from all the orientalist bazaar crap on the historic peninsula. What else can you ask for?

Here are some of the people which we discovered living in those rooms. I cannot remember any of their names, naturally, but they were a cheerful bunch.

At Chill-out, I heard of some adventurous young locals posing as Italian tourists and hanging around the hostel, trying to 'join the European Union,' or retro-actively trying to seduce Turkish girls, who of course, fall head-over-heels for anything European. The Italian disguise is probably not a co-incidence since the boisterous English accents of Turks and Italians sound remarkably alike.

All the jokes and rumors aside, if you ever want to stay at this great hostel, here are some useful links:

*A guide to Istanbul's many hostels
*Chill Out's own colorblind website

"Tulum" Dance Fever

Why are these men dancing like crazy in the middle of the street?

...because their drunken friend is playing the Tulum, a bagpipe-like instrument native to Anatolia, Caucaus and the Pontus regions. Pontic Greeks have also carried it to Greece.

A Toad from Athens

We found this female Bufo viridis toad on the side of Mesogeion road in Athens. Instead of hopping, she was walking slowly among the grass, no doubt looking for a bug to eat.

Oops, she doesn't like being picked up! I could tell that she was a she because she made no sounds when handled.